Vivah

Since a month she was silently watching Him daily during the Prayer. His get up was not that very perfect. The crown was placed little left frm the centre of the head. Eyes were not that symmetrical on His black face. Not that much beautiful !! ,she thought.
Everyday she used to sit there fr some momenz ....Being vaishnava, Just A day before when her marriage was scheduled, she got to exchange mala-chandan with Him,considering Narayana as Her Husband prior accepting someone else as her life partner.

Life kept on flowing and she too with the life. Not fr a single day she could forget to whom she got married first. Slowly n Gradually, without disturbing any existing person in her life ,her journey continued seeking that ultimate love in her heart.

Is sleeping with a person called love? Is producing children love ? Is the duty,responsibility, the formality towards social system or towards the institution called 'Marriage' is love ? Her mother used to say "a woman is not complete without marriage" so her marriage was arranged. But was that not unethical ?? How she could be able to accept any other holding the formless, unknown, ultimate in her mind as her 'love' ? There was dialemma then in state of her being
1) of not giving misery to anyone who has came in life even as d decision of someone else.
2) to live life with the man of her dream. The perfect one - The ultimate 'lover'.
And why not ? !!
Has anyone asked her to go fr Swayamvar and Gave right to select the life-partner of her choice ?? She was merely choiceless... It was all about compromising that  'complete man' of her dream...Who cares, who listens, who talks in an mystical way,who flows holding her feelings together with her towards that direction called 'love'.

Life is all about acceptance. More one accepts, finds Peace. She tried but failed to accept the situation whole heartedly then...
Except the 'self' - no form could satisfy her restlessness, could embrace her sensititivity. She couldnot express to anyone what she wished for and there left no choice but to keep on moving with the episodes...

Desire gives pain. She was suffering. Another mother told her once "yu are now married : married to Krishna" where ?? n How ?? Why such pain then ?? Krishna is formless ??
With Her philosophy of 'Advaita' a contradictory question arose on the path "Is this dream sacrificable ?? Really !! ? " Go deep and yu find 'Him'.Ppl say.. But How ??!!  Bhakti is not 'Advaita'.... It Cannot be. If that could be - 'VisisthAdvait' could never hav been introduced...
She was going on contemplating with her 'feeling of feelings' , 'Secrets of her Secrets'. Why then there A form is worshipped to go upto the formless ?? Why then A Guru appears in a form though the being is a formless element ?? Who shall tell her ?? To whom it could hav been asked ??

She already was able to control her pallette,her sensual urges. But what she couldnot was, to surrender Her that dream. Dream to find her 'Mr.Perfect'.

Now,Seeing Him, the word 'imperfection' was hammering her conciousness...She could not able to control her mind seeking perfection And she kept on watching Him everyday,During her daily thankgiving in her prayer.She never used to ask anything frm God and now too she was silent.

Suddenly on a day she started feeling something. *She was in love*. With the unknown unseen, alongwith the visible imperfection in THIS very form now n here. She saw her Mr.Perfect :-)

This was thursday. An unknown #Happiness filled in her mind. She bought some colourful bangles that day n came home.

Next day was friday. For the first time she asked something frm Him. She proposed lord. Boldly she asked -
"Let my mind be one with yu. Frm now, be my soulmate fr ever. " and those eyes suddenly twinkled...Han !! His eyes speaks !!
She came back home.

The next morning HE came,woke her up n whispered into her ears "........"
There comes the climax of the story. Visiting the temple next day, Fr the first time in her life she felt...such a shyness ...She didnt know how she would go in front of Him !! She reached upto the gate and unlike other days she didnt thanked neither prayed. Who she would thank ?? She got Her Krishna within. Quitely she sat in front of him fr sometime and......
rest is -
'Asaadi Katha' :-)